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Authentic Marriages
Many times when couples struggle with conflicts in their relationship, they may not know what to do or how to make sense of what is going on. As a result they feel ‘stuck’, and therefore unable to resolve the conflicts they’re facing. Having a breakthrough is very critical when you feel any of the above.
If you think back to when you were single, you’ll probably recall that you had a strong desire for an intimate love relationship. As humans we are meant to be in relationships and to experience a connection with someone else, so relationships are wonderful to have in life and are in fact a necessity.
Having said that, relationships are not simple, and marital relationships are particularly complex. Therefore it is up to each person in the relationship to take responsibility for the parts they play in the relationship, and to understand how those parts interact with each other within the relationship.

The Parts in the Relationship
Communication & Relational Skills
To start with, you’ll want to take responsibility for developing your communication & relational skills, which are the tools that let you connect to your partner when problems arise. You’ll want to find the right tools – tools that are a good fit for you and your spouse – and then apply them daily, both to keep the ‘weeds’ out of your relationship as well as to help it blossom and grow.

Your Past & Beliefs
Next, you may need to look at your own past, and examine your beliefs about yourself, issues in life, and the role you play in the relationship. Do you know the patterns you bring into your marriage? If not, it may be helpful to look at the role you played in your first family (your family of origin), and to see if those patterns are interfering today.

Finally, it’s critical to take responsibility for the relationship you have with yourself! This is about knowing your own needs as well as your partner’s needs. Do you know how to both ask for your needs to be met and attend to your lover’s needs?
To have an authentic marriage, we must first take responsibility for becoming authentic ourselves, so that we can practice and live those traits that are real and true to who we are. That may be learning to love yourself, or to be gentle with yourself, or to be respectful of yourself.
If this is not happening in your own heart and mind, it can present challenges in your relationships, especially in your marriage. But when it starts happening, you will begin to know your needs, your strengths and your areas of growth, and you will better know how to share yourself, set limits, ask, express your anger appropriately and much more.
Remember, marriage is meant to be a love relationship: easy, enjoyable, and a fit for you both, not difficult.
What do you think you are ready to change and work on? It’s time to find your breakthrough.

Psychotherapy Offices of Jousline Savra
Jousline Savra, LMFT

Phone: (626) 433-3051

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